‘You’ll be able to read it when it’s finished; not before,’ I said.
‘Just a little bit?’ pleaded Emma. ‘A part you’ve already “corrected”.’
‘I’m afraid not. I just started a new novel, actually. The Phoenix. I’m really excited about it.’
‘But when am I going to read the Wayfarer? You’ve been saying it’s almost done for months, now.’
‘Well, it really is nearly done. Should be by the end of the year.’
‘Will you have it done before Germany?’
‘I certainly hope so. I’d hate for it to still not be done in 1998. Oh, I like this song.’
‘You would.’
‘I don’t understand what you have against Jewel.’
‘She’s too cutesy. Definitely too cutesy.’
‘What does that mean, “cutesy”?’
‘You want me to turn it up for you?’
Emma reached forward for the volume dial. The radio was lit up, and the dash. We were sitting in Emma’s mother’s car, parked outside my house. The engine was off.
The clock showed the time as 3:43. The only light other than the dim glow of the car’s interior was a streetlight four doors down, creating a yellow amid the shadows.
‘No, don’t worry. If you don’t like it…’
‘Might as well,’ she said, upping the volume. ‘You like it.’
‘Thanks,’ I said. I wondered if shadow covered my smile.
‘Do you know yet if you’re coming to Germany?’ Emma asked me.
‘I probably will. I don’t have any idea where I’m going to get the money, though.’
‘It’s still several months away. We’ll be able to stay at Bojan’s Aunt’s place, so you won’t have to worry about accomodation…’
I nodded. ‘I know. But it’s still pretty expensive.’
‘You can’t make me go alone!’
‘Alone? Bo and his sister, Shim and Shauna, and Kelly are all going.’
‘You know what I mean.’
‘I’ll try to come. It will be wicked to bring the new year in there. My home. But I just got back from Germany a few months ago. It will be difficult to get any money.’
I sighed. ‘Em, I think I was a rapist in a past life.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
‘I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about it, and I think that would explain a lot. It would explain why I consider sex to be such a vile thing, why I can’t become close to people, in a romantic way. Why I consider rape to be worse than murder.’
‘brook, you were not a rapist in a past life.’
‘Why not? What makes you so sure?’
‘brook, you’re just a regular kid: confused, unsure, shy. What you’re feeling has nothing to do with being a rapist.’
‘Maybe not. But maybe so.’
Emma shook her head.
‘So what did you think of that movie to-night? The Ogre. Pretty cool, huh?’
‘I thought it was all right. Suzanna hated it, though.’
I smiled. ‘Yeah, she did. What was the name of the theatre, again?’
‘Carlton Cinema.’
‘That’s right. Geez, that place is in the middle of no where. Toronto’s a weird place. I don’t understand how people could live there.’
Emma grinned. ‘It’s a place. There are worse places to live.’
‘I guess. I don’t understand how any one could live any where other than Europe, though. Toronto’s such an ugly place.’
‘You know,’ said Emma slowly, looking at the clock. ‘It’s getting pretty late. I should probably go.’
‘Yeah, I’ve got to work to-morrow. Dish.’
‘You don’t have to work until the afternoon. I have school at nine.’
‘True, but Dish takes a lot out of you. It’s rough work.’
‘Speaking of which, did you hear any thing back from Chapters?’
‘No, I had the interview, I told you, and it went really well, but it’s been almost a week, now, and I’ve heard nothing.’
‘You need to call them back. They’re probably just waiting to see how interested you are.’
‘Yeah, I should do that. Oh, the other day, I was at my dad’s, and for dinner he made steak, and it was pretty rare, like I’ve always enjoyed it, but this time it just made me sick, eating it. I think I’m going to give up all beef.’
‘So are you a vegetarian, now?’
‘Well, I still eat chicken, but that’s it. Maybe I’ll be a vegetarian soon. Then you and I will have to go out for dinner together. You can show me all the right places to eat.’
‘For vegetarians, there are no places to eat.’
‘Any way, I don’t want to keep you…’
‘Yeah, I guess we better…’
I put my hand on her arm, and held it there a moment. Then I smiled and got out of the car. Emma turned the ignition.
‘I guess I’ll see you this week-end, for Dead Poet’s.’ I said to her, standing outside, holding the door open.
‘I’m sure we’ll talk on the phone several times before then,’ she responded.
‘So am I. Good-night.’
‘Good-night.’
I slammed the door, pulled out my keys. Emma was still on the road, waiting for me. I put the keys in, entered the house. The hall light my mother had left on for me. I waved to Emma, and she drove away.